To the single parent

My daughter has been sick for the last few days, for what feels like the hundredth time in her short life (which makes me feel like I am failing as a mother, but thats a story for another blog haha). In the meantime she has also been cutting not one, but TWO molars.

In between all of this, my husband was here, and he helped so so much since I also started to get sick and cant take anything because I am pregnant. I find it so difficult to be a good mother when I am not in a good place myself, I manage to push it aside and try to just be there for her, but she still feels that I am not myself, and it is at that moment where I thank God that I have a husband who helps and can take over while I rest.

That being said, I know not all parents have a partner that helps, or have have lost a partner or have broken up with a partner. I have no idea how you do it, I know if you are a parent you have no choice to keep going and you just somehow find that strength somewhere to be the best parent you can possibly be. But that still does not make it easy or any less lonely.

Although I don’t know how it feels, I was raised by a single parent and saw the toll it took, you have so much less time for yourself, or well, basically anything! A sick or teething baby takes up ALL your time, whether you are a stay at home parent, or not, the time you have with them is difficult and exhausting. There is no time to unwind after a tough day at work, or to have a glass of wine with supper because you have to tend to a crying baby and get to bed as soon as possible because you have to get up early again the next day, and do it all over again.

I have so much respect for these parents , ones that still give their children the best they can, in-spite of their need for a personal life, well done !! 💪🏻

Remembering that you were a person before you had kids

So as you all know I am pregnant with my second baby, and I cant even explain all the ways that I underestimated being in my first trimester with a toddler.

My husband is gone this week and the amount of endurance it takes to not throw up while you are dressing your baby for bed – is next level and I kind of feel like a rockstar after that session haha ! Not feeling well while having to still be the best mother you can be, takes effort , and let me tell you something; if you are one of those moms that are going through a tough time and still manage to play with your kids and put a smile on their face , you are one AMAZING mom , and don’t you forget that !

BUT ! Being a good mother sometimes means that you need to know when to put yourself first, never when your child needs you , and not saying that you take your interests above that of your child’s , but in the sense that you know when you need a break, and know that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Recharging for half a day or even a few days with friends does not make you a bad parent, sometimes a few moments for yourself is what resets the clock on your parenting, and gives you renewed, more positive energy for your toddler or your newborn.

Then you get me; I am a stay at home mom and I go into town to do my nails and the usual errands, I don’t have to rush home because my husband and mother in law are looking after Paige. But somehow in town, I feel guilty for not being there, I feel like I need to hurry up because she is my responsibility and not theirs and they have things to do. After which I usually rush everything and head home, only to find that everyone is fine and having fun haha. No one died , no one got hurt.

Although these are all normal “mom” feelings, sometimes it is okay to let go, to let yourself take a few deep breaths and let yourself enjoy something that does not involve being a mother or a wife, just a person, an individual, with interests, dreams and a person who can have grown up intellectual conversations haha.

Practice makes perfect, and that is what it will take to learn to have a balance with this whole motherhood thing, letting yourself have some time without feeling (too) guilty, and to still feel like you are not failing as a mother in doing so.

Being a mother is hard enough as it is, we do not need to drive ourselves crazy (er) by forgetting that we also matter. Take that break ! You deserve it ❤️

How my toddler shows me that happiness is a state of mind

The mind of a toddler is fascinating (and confusing at times), we go on a family holiday and drive 700 km’s to get there, only to find out that she was happier at home. Frustrating right? Well this is only one of the many interesting things about my toddler that I dont understand. The total amazement she shows when pushing anything around (chairs, boxes, magazines, you name it), her relentless interest in my phone, the remotes and with going outside (sertiously, it is like she has a sixth sense and just knows when a door opens somehwere) and her latest favoroute; our bedside table drawers (yes condoms and underwear have ended up on our lawn). It is such a busy time, and we are both learning how to adjust to all the new changes, and I would not change it for the world.

She can honestly be happy when I give her a spoon and a bowl to play with, she will entertain herself for an hour on the kitchen floor, and only she knows what goes on in that pretty little head of hers, and that made me think, if only I can be so content with something so simple (I am a classic overthinker and busybody, I need constant distraction to stay sane lol), Dont get me wrong, she is still a toddler and just like the smallest thing can make her happy, the smallest thing can also mean the end of the world the very next minute. But for the sake of this post, we will focus on the “happy part” haha.

Giving my full attention to a situation has always been a struggle, it feels like my mind is always in a million different places at the same time, quieting my mind has always been a challenge, and something that I still struggle with somedays, the only thing that has seemed to keep my attention has been motherhood. My little girl really does take all my attention, not just because she is so busy and I am in constant fear of her getting hurt, I am mesmerized by her, by how she approaches life and lives on the edge so to speak, no fear whatsoever and just explores and enjoys every single new thing. While we as adults mostly avoid new things because it means stepping out of our comfort zones (and why would you do that if you are not in your early 20’s anymore right?), living on the edge is no longer possible because you have responsibilities and people who rely on you. Growing up is for sure a trap haha, when you are little it looks so amazing to be able to do what you want and when you want to; meanwhile we dont see the writing on the wall when we are little; Being an adult is tedious at best.

My little girl for one wakes up with a smile on her face, while I take about half an hour and two cups of coffee before I can have a conversation, she runs up and down the house non stop, while I am out of breath running after her ONCE, she claps hands whenever she gets excited, while I smile and then focus on the next thing wihtout enjoying the moment for what it is. Growing up has somehow made me forget how to appreciate the little things, and how to find happiness in the small stuff, the everyday little victories that we take for granted. Being thankful and joyful is something that not everyone is luky enough to experince, so I say; If you are happy and you know it clap your hands !!

 

Sick babies make for paranoid moms

Having a sick baby is no joke, they cant tell you whats wrong, and you end up second guessing every symptom because maybe you are overreacting. Its emotionally draining, you end up actually feeling relieved when the doctor says that something is wrong because now you don’t feel like that paranoid mom you swore you would never be.

I never thought that my whole world would stop when someone is sick haha, don’t get me wrong, when my husband is sick I also worry and take care of him (as he does for me) but I don’t stay awake at night worrying if he is too cold or has a fever or is uncomfortable (the list goes on and on).

When my baby is sick it is the exact opposite, I find myself worrying constantly; should I take her to the doctor, should I go check is she is okay. Its like it takes over everything for a few days and all else seems to fade into the background, and once its over, it is as if I was also sick.

Being a mother brings out a side to me that I never knew existed, in fact, it sort of creates a new side to a person, that will only be revealed once you become a mother.

Its scary actually, to love this much ! There are no words to describe it, when they hurt, we hurt! I am lying in bed wide awake wondering if she is okay, all while knowing that I will feel like this for the rest of my life. Its wonderful and oh so daunting at the same time.

Being a Woman is Intense ! 🙈🤪

I mean , where do I even start on this one ?!

We still go trough hormone changes , periods , headaches , flu , tiredness, irritations and all the normal turmoils of everyday life , all while still raising children .

I just don’t think that men understand this , my husband is so helpful with her and tries his very best to be supportive , but I still get the occasional “you make it worse than it actually is” and the “you are overreacting” .

Now look , I am not the most patient person , and my anger goes from 1 – 100 I’m seconds since becoming a mom ,

It is like a switch went off when Paige was born , and I feel this fire inside of me to fight for my family and loved ones and to not be a pushover anymore !

I honestly believe that being a mom is the best thing that ever happened to me ❤️

Angelique