Days where everything just seems to go wrong

I should rewrite this headline to “weeks where everything seems to go wrong”!

My week in a nutshell

I know I am not alone on this, this week has been the most intense in so many ways and its only Wednesday; we started of with having to make a unplanned trip to Johannesburg (which is 5 hours way by the way) in order to do bio-metrics for our trip to Australia soon, get there, only to hear that they only have an appointment for my husband and not our baby girl, long story short, we sorted it out after much effort!

We then had to stay over because the trip is just to far for our baby, and did another 500 km’s the next morning, got home to find out our water cooler had leaked in Paige’s room and the carpet was damaged, settled and then we heard that my horse’s foal had sadly passed away – this the day before her new owner was supposed to come and fetch the two of them.

All this in a matter of three very long days, and a baby in-between who is out of routine and teething!

One thing I have noticed is that when I am upset, she is upset, how crazy is that? Today I busted into tears while changing her nappy, and she immediately started crying too, I felt so bad that I stopped and so did she, we forget sometimes that our babies’ sense what we are feeling, or if we are stressed or having a bad day, they feed of us when they are this small.

I am exhausted to say the least, you know when one night’s good sleep does not even make you feel better? That is where I am at that point, so I thought I would write about it as this always help to work through issues and just to feel better, you know, put it all out there. Life just sometimes throws these weeks at us just to make sure we still got it – ha ha

Bouncing Back

Apparently, I do, it is amazing how resilient we all are, somehow the sun always manages to come up the next morning and you look at life with a little more positivism.

I always say that it is fine to have a breakdown or to feel down, own it, you are human, and you can’t always be strong, keeping emotions bottled up is so unhealthy for the mind and the soul. The most important thing is to always get up afterwards, brush yourself off and stare life dead in the eye, and smile!

I am so lucky to be surrounded by so many family and friends that are always willing to lend a hand (or an ear) in difficult situations.

My baby girl must know that her mama needs a break today because she is sleeping so well, and giving her mom a well-deserved break to write 😊

Angelique

 

Developing Your “Mom Self”

There is some fundamental shift once you become a mother, all the “me” issues you used to have disappear into thin air, and you see the world differently than before, this effects every part of you being, your thought process, your relationships, your patience, your priorities, your day to day activities, the way you think, basically everything about you changes.

Don’t get me wrong, my personality is still in there, and I am still me, I am just different, I know how weird that sounds, but for me; I am stronger emotionally; when you become a mom, you have to put your emotions aside sometimes, you cannot have a breakdown right now because you have to feed or bath your baby, so you put it away for later, when later comes you are over it ha ha.

There is just this whole new side of you, and that’s what I call – The Mom Self.

This takes some time to master, as with any new role in your life, practice makes perfect, and this one particularly is so overwhelming and takes some time to get used to.

The day my baby was born, everything was chaotic, so many people, doctors, nurses, and the moment is kind of just too big to fully grasp and take it all in, you and your partner don’t really seem to get the time to chat or to get used to the idea because then grandparents and aunts and uncles pitch up to see the new bundle of joy.

I had a C-Section, so the whole process was just such a shock to my system, I read so many things on the procedure and talked to so many moms that went through it, and yet, it was nothing like I thought it would be, it was so scary being awake (that was the worst part for me) and the adrenaline and the excitement is overwhelming (I use this word a lot, because well, there is no other word for it).

That night I was alone at last in the hospital, they took my baby and looked after her during the night for me to rest after the surgery, the next morning at 5 am, they wheeled her in and left her, I remember thinking oh my word, you can’t just leave her here alone with me, what must I do with her?

The feeling I had was pure panic!

What was I supposed to do with her? I read so many books on what to do, and talked to so many new moms, and yet, in that moment, it all disappeared, and the reality was staring me right in the eyes! I was a mom, and I had a baby, a tiny one at that, and was even unsure about how to change her diaper in that moment.

Now, 6 months later, and I am so comfortable with her, don’t get me wrong, I still has days where I am not sure what is going on and second guess myself, but these days are less than they were. The only way to get to this point is time; give yourself time, don’t be so hard on yourself in the beginning or well, ever for that matter, being a mom is a very big change for a woman, and like all changes in life, you need time and patience to master this role and to fully be comfortable in it.

So, take a deep breath and give yourself a break! You will get there!

Angelique

 

Insecurities – We All Have Baggage

I know we all think that we have recovered from our past , and learned from all the things that we went through as children or even in our twenties , and we always swear that we would never transfer those issues into our marriages or onto our children .

The fact of the matter is , that although we don’t necessarily make the same mistakes as our parents did with us , we still tend to take that baggage into parenthood and our relationships with us.

In my experience I have issues left over from my parent’s divorce and my parents in general , and off course I don’t want my child to go through that disappointment and want to be there for my child no matter what is going on with me personally , I want her to know that she is loved at all times, and that she has a person in any situation- me ! 💜

Unfortunately, I tend to now take this too far , I am so sensitive toward other peoples comments about how I am raising my child , it immediately feels like they are attacking me , and judging me as a mother .

I constantly doubt myself because I am trying so hard to be this perfect mother and to do thing differently with her.

Insecurities start to form this way , and we put them on other people subconsciously, we don’t mean to , but we tend to blame other for past issues.

What is amazing is that we have the power to stop this cycle and break it , to start new and love forward !

Here’s to the future , and to being better and learning and growing with every step we take.

Angelique

Lets Have That Food Talk …

Solids , am I right !?

The internet is the devil , and so are mom groups and all parenting books out there ! 🤪

It all is just so confusing , the one site contradicts the other one , they one book says this , the other one says the EXACT opposite , the one mom says solids before 6 months , the other one says hell no ! 🤣

I am almost scared to post a question on one of these groups , because I know it will be flooded with comments and all being different , as a first time mom this is just a nightmare , and makes you even more stressed than you were before the post !

My baby girl is 4 months old now , and I am a first time mom , and the whole “follow your instincts ” thing only goes so far if its your first baby (well for me anyway)My experience so far is to make a mom friend , either a new mom just like you (which in my case helped because we had the same anxiety over the same things and you don’t feel so alone) or an experienced one who’s opinions and advice you trust

One thing I must say is that moms everywhere are so eager to help , it has been an amazing experience so far !

So whether you fed your baby for the fist time at 4 months or 6 months , or dis co sleeping, breastfed or bottle fed your baby , as long as he/she is still alive and mostly happy I would say well done ! Being a mom is hard !Angelique