Being a new mom takes up A LOT of your time …
And not just that , you tend to voluntarily give it up to your little bundle.
This affected my marriage on every level ; little conversations about our days disappeared because its bath time, intimacy disappeared because , well, you are way to tired to even brush your hair , let alone feel sexy.
One word … HORMONES ! (The crazy mood swings)
The sleep deprivation is a whole other ball game .. you both seem to crack under the pressure you put on yourself and you end up fighting about him looking at you funny ! 🤣
The key is to breathe and let it pass , give each other space to adapt to this whole new world of being a parent because its HUGE the first time , for both of you , and in different ways.
Finding myself in this new role, I had to consciously make an effort to give some of my time to my marriage, to sit and listen and just chat again, this is why bedtime is so important in our house, and we stick by it because it means that we have time together.
Who said being a wife and a mother is easy ?
I find myself conflicted about being a mother sometimes , on the one hand I am so happy to stay home with my smoo , and on the other I wish I could go back to work or pursue my psychology career .
The lodge I manage is a mere 100 or so meters from our home , so I am lucky enough to be able to do both , or am I ?
Like today for example; I went there , ready to work and it gets busy , which I LOVE ! I love being busy, and then , paige starts crying so I have to leave .
For the first time since she was born I wished I had a nanny just to take a break !
In our area though , because its a rural village there is no daycare … so I will be looking after her until she goes to school and I cant help but feel that I am missing out on so much …
Don’t get me wrong , I am so blessed to have her and I adore her , and I wouldn’t trade her for ANYTHING , but I am still only human at the end of the day !
Have any of you gone through this ?
In my first post i gave a little background on myself and where we live , for those of you who missed it – i live in a rural village called Ganyesa in North West South Africa. 🇿🇦
We are about an hour and a half from the Botswana border and about 5 hours from Johannesburg, our closest town is Vryburg , about 70 kms away .
This town however has been overtaken by crime in the last year , which is really getting to me , Paige and I cant quickly go to town to get something or just go do some retail therapy , because its just too unsafe for us to go 🙈
Not being able to have a coffee with a friend or get out the house with Paige a little bit is what has really been getting me down , feel like im having cabin fever 🤒🤣
This has been a huge adjustment, and some days I still struggle to live here in the middle of nowhere. But it sure does have a lot of positives !
I get to see such a beautiful side of our Country – The Kalahari , and I get to stay home with my little one and see her grow up !
Are any of you in a new town or a new area ? Or even a remote one like me ?
Let me know ! 😜
I absolutely hate it when someone comes here and says “ooo she just whines , she doesn’t cry”
Uh yes she does !! Yes okay , she doesn’t have colic and doesn’t cry for hours on end , but she has cried and screamed for what seemed to be hours and I didn’t know what was wrong .
I guess why this upsets me is that people make it sound like its so easy to be a first time mom just because she didn’t cry in the two hours that they were here !!
I have been up since 4:30 with her and I literally woke my husband to take over , because shes tired and rubbing her eyes and screaming ! My palms start sweating and then I start crying to , and this is something only moms would understand because I feel like a bad mom for not being able to console my baby !
I have been through heartbreak , I have lost people , and yet , THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD !
I cant speak for everyone , but while i was pregnant people gave me so so so much unsolicited advice , it felt like i could explode !
Im a very stubborn independent women haha so this was very difficult for me ( and the raging hormones did not help)
Some of it was nice and helpful and others was just plain crazy , like ;
“You must sleep now , because you wont get time once the baby is here” – firstly , it was my first baby so this didn’t really sink in for me , and i was just so stressed and excited that resting was just impossible.
“You must co sleep , you must breastfeed , you must use these nappies , you must give your baby water to sleep trough , you must you must you must ” the list goes on and on , and quite frankly , this is so overwhelming for a new mother because every single person has a different opinion on a topic.
My view on this is do what works for you and your baby , and do this unapologetically ! Every baby is so so different and so is the mom , dont do it because you feel everyone else is so therefore you must as well , follow that powerful gut instinct to the very end 👌🏻
Most important is have a few mom friends (or in my case one haha) who’s opinions and views you trust , just so that you dont feel too alone through all this !
Till next time