Let yourself get excited

Growing up sucks ! Haha , you have to learn to not only live with disappointment but also to accept it, learn to manage expectations and basically do a lot of things that you just don’t want to.

Now that I have painted that beautiful picture; I believe that we need to have balance in life, we need to be grown ups and be realistic most days, but just every now and then, I think it is okay to let go of all reason and be excited about the possibility of something.

In the beginning of the pregnancy, we are all paranoid, we know the statistics and story of women and miscarriages, the sad reality of it, so we don’t tell our family and friends until its “safe”, we don’t let ourselves get excited or let our minds imagine the future with this new little human.

Bring realistic can suck sometimes, and yes don’t blurt it out all over social media, but just for yourself and your partner, let yourself get a little excited, enjoy the moment you share and the possibility of this new little human, yes it might not all work out the way you want it to, but since we are being realistic, what in life has that type fo guarantee ? Nothing. Anything we do might not work out.

We need to find the balance between getting excited about new possibilities and managing expectations, which can be one of the hardest things in life. For me , I have learned to accept disappointment, so I get excited over new things and possibilities, and just know that if it does not work out I will deal with it.

Life is way too short to wait for disappointment around every corner, life is hard and disappointment is inevitable, but just every now and then, things work out ! The good guys win, and you get that happy ending !

Don’t ever let that “childlike” outlook on life fade completely.

The state of our Country

I have to let this out somehow, although this is not baby or child related, I have always seen this blog as therapeutic in a sense , my diary. So here goes.

All of you know that I live in South Africa .

My grandpa has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. He is 86 years old and had survived pancreas cancer 42 years ago (what a miracle right!?).

He has been on morphine patches for pain and all has been going well, It is very important that I tell you guys that they don’t have medical aid. In South Africa , the public health care is ridiculous, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Unfortunately the patches has not been working too well lately and he has been having sooo much pain , my grandmother thought it best to rush him to the public hospital. What enfolded from here is so sad that I feel like I have been traumatized by the whole thing.

after having to wait 6 hours, he was finally admitted.The doctor assigned to his case prescribed a high dose of morphine through and IV, his pain was gone.

The next day we got there and he was completely out of it, could not speak, could not eat, could not control his bathroom visits, he had no idea where he was or what was going on. He was so scared. They put railings up on his bed because he tries to get out , and they eventually tied him down to ensure that he does not move. He had a diaper on and no clothes. When we asked the nurses (which took us about an hour to find one) why he has no clothes on, they said its easier this way to change his diaper. And that he is refusing to eat (he could not even sit up, so I don’t know how he is supposed to feed himself). We tried to accept it , the next day when we got there , he was in such an uncomfortable position that his whole neck bent side ways and he could not move because his hands were tied to tightly. No one came the whole day to check on him and move him , he mumbled for help but no one listened . I honestly just cant get this picture out my head . 3 days ago this man could walk, talk, go to the bathroom with help, eat his food, and speak properly , the only problem was that he was in pain.

When I asked a nurse to come and help me sit him up and unchain him, she came and said to me that she does not know how it works and she does not know where the nurse is who does . Needless to say we found her in the end , where they told us that he is discharged and gave us a bag of pills, no explanation, no doctor, hell, no note from a doctor, when I asked the nurse what he was given, she said to me that she does not know.

Luckily, we found an amazing company that offers home care to terminal patients and we finally got the help we needed.

NO JOKES – A few hours after getting home my grandpa could talk, he even started moving around a little bit, the next morning he could eat, feed himself even , swallow all his pills and get to the couch with some help.

I have no words as to what goes on in these hospitals, until you experience it yourself, you will never fully understand, I have no idea where to point the fingers, or if there even is enough fingers in the world to point, but it is scary. Scary that our people has that, and only that to rely on. Staff is not held accountable like in the private sector . But listen , I don’t work in the medical industry, therefore I cannot speak for the nurses or the state of care from that point of view. All I can do is share my family’s experience.

Its now been two weeks and my grandpa is safe and sound at home with a nurse and is so much happier , he is a bit traumatized by what happened as he started remembering it all , but thank the Lord he can spend what time he has left with his family .

Ps. Pic of my grandpa and my little girl

How important it is to be in tune with your emotions

Like most moms (although there are a lucky few), pregnancy effects my mood 100% most of the day. With Paige , I seemed to have been very emotional and sensitive. This time around however, I am more impatient and quick to anger.

Lately my toddler has been insanely difficult, needy, clingy and also quick to anger, it took me a while, but I finally realized that its me! She feeds off of my emotions, and obviously picks up that my patience is less than before and that in turn, makes her feel unsure and confused as it all affects her environment (granted, she is growing up and some moods wings are inevitable).

Since then I have tried to get to know myself better, not to stop the emotions, but to recognize them. To realize that I am feeling overwhelmed because I am tired , or irritated because I am nauseous etc. knowing what I feel and why I feel it, makes it easier to take a deep breath and let it go. Instead of wallowing in it and letting it affect my relationships and the overall “vibe” in the house.

Easier said then done right ? We all know those pregnancy hormones take over and is impossible to control (true for the most part), but you can control how you react to them. Practice makes perfect , it may take a while, and it does not mean that it will work every time, after all, we are all only human. But I strongly believe that once you can control how you react to all your emotions and understand why you are feeling what you are feeling; you will be stronger for it, and at the same time. Set a good example for your children and other members of the family.

On the other hand, knowing why you are feeling what you are feeling, also makes it easier to get help or to fix it quicker. It sounds so straight forward right ? Wrong ! Many people don’t even realize when they are stressed. So knowing what you feel might even take some practice to begin with.

Either way , it is a skill worth mastering and will make life much easier for both you and your partner (and children) in the long run, and will most definitely help with your blood pressure and those sleepless nights.

The “mom” flu

“Mom Flu is exactly like normal flu, except nobody cares”

This rings so true once you become a mother, you read this on memes and all-over social media and it’s hilarious, until it’s you!

Take me for example; I have had toothache for about a week now, and I just don’t get the time (or the babysitter) to go and get it fixed, and the pain is excruciating; but I still have to get up at 6 AM and feed my baby girl, she still has to have her naptime routine, and the dishes still need to get done, dinner still needs to get made – time waits for no mom !

Being a mom really is a 24/7 job, and I say job because it’s hard work, although incredibly rewarding, it still takes up most of your time, especially for the first few months, and you rarely get time for yourself, your marriage, or any other relationships in your life.

Whether you are sick, tired, cranky, emotional, or just having a rough day, you somehow always gather the strength to look after your baby and tend to them as if nothing is wrong and still give them the attention they deserve and need.

Since becoming a mother I could feel myself change, looking back on those first few weeks; I cant imagine how I used to get up every two hours to feed, while still recovering from my c-section, the hormones that came flooding in the first few days, struggling with breastfeeding, the paranoia of whether your baby is still breathing, is she comfortable, is she lying right, and lets not forget the sleepless nights googling about whether her amount of spit up is normal.

And I know that this is just the beginning, we haven’t even started teething, solids, potty training, sleep training, tantrums, and all the rest, and somehow I just know that I will cope with all of it because that is what being a mom is all about, you are not allowed to give up, and that to me , is so powerful, and it just makes you stronger every day, you just see the world differently when you become a parent.

Being a mom is like having seven balls in the air while holding your baby, and trying to catch them all , whether it be trying to juggle having a personal life of some sort, friendships, marriage, a career, and the moment you pay attention to one of these, you immediately feel some sort of “mom guilt” over not being with your child, or not spending all your time tending to them, or just simply worrying about them.

I strongly believe that having children humbles you, although I have never seen myself as a selfish person , I did put myself first in many scenarios, and since my baby girl was born , putting her first comes so natural, I don’t need to think it over, or decide whether I really need to go play with her or go to the hair appointment my hair desperately needs, it’s a no brainer.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that “you cant pour from an empty cup” and you are no good to your baby if you are stressed out and unhappy, our basic needs still need to be met and we deserve to be happy in all aspects of life in order to be a good example to your children as they grow up.

It is exactly like the safety demonstration before a flight; “place your own oxygen mask before tending to others”.

It is just that some of the things that used to give me sleepless nights before I became a mom, seems like minor issues to me now, and I feel more capable of handling outside stressors in my life, I feel mentally and emotionally stronger even.

Mom flu is not just actually being sick , it’s a constant state we find ourselves in where we put our families and relationships above our own wellbeing sometimes, and I don’t know about you , but I wouldn’t have it any other way !n The rewards of being a mom , far outweighs the sacrifices and I cannot imagine my life without my precious sweet baby girl.

To all the moms out there who are juggling life and motherhood and feel like you are dropping balls left and right, hang in there, you are not alone, and you are doing an AMAZING job!

Life happens FOR YOU and not TO YOU , and once you realize that, a whole lot of things come into perspective, you stop seeing everything as a chore, and realize what a blessing it is to be able to have children, and friends and a marriage or relationship, and although being a mom is such hard work, you stop looking for validation in other people and start finding it in the little face smiling up at you and within yourself.

And who is a better critic of whether you are doing a good job other than your baby? No one!

 

Angelique

 

 

The guessing game

Let me start off by saying that I was convinced my baby girl was teething basically since she was 4 months old – she was not and only started teething at 8 months, and got 4 teeth in 3 weeks!? I mean? What!

At this point who knows whats going on, if its not a leap, its a growth spurt or teeth or hay fever, or a runny nose, or the blanket is the wrong way around, or well she just does not feel like doing something. You have to guess everything ! I know they call it “motherly instinct” and all but somedays I have no idea what is wrong !

I think not enough moms say this out loud to each other, all I have ever heard from other moms is “you should try this and this” and not “you know, I also had no idea what to do at first but then….”. I feel like these days some moms are so focused on being perfect because that is what social media portrays. Instead of being REAL. Having the difficult conversations with each other and venting about all the struggles motherhood has to offer, just to know that we are not alone.

The moment you feel understood, the whole world shifts, you can handle more and you don’t feel like a failure all the time (just every now and then haha). I for one cant wait until my baby girl can tell me what she needs and tell me when she wants a cuddle or when she is scared of something so that I can give her what she needs. But, as with everything in life, we have to go through the difficult stages to appreciate the good ones even more.

At the end of the day we need to appreciate every stage with our little ones, even the hard times, what a blessing to be a mama, and to have such an adorable, friendly little girl at that.